Warren Buffett

"I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me."

W. H. Auden

"We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know."

Laurence J. Peter

"Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively."

Imelda Marcos

"I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty."

Ernest Hemingway

"I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?"

Henny Youngman

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."

Mitch Hedberg

"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."